How Do I Avoid Becoming An Intellectual Whore?


A question I often receive is 'Now that I know all this, how do I go about not becoming an Intellectual Whore?'  I'm not going to lie to you; it's a difficult endeavor, but it can be achieved.  It's much like astral projection in that way.  I digress.

We will consider two situations: avoiding intellectual whoredom, and extricating yourself from a relationship in which you have found yourself an intellectual whore.  

Of the two, avoiding whoredom is usually the easiest.  It's a lot easier to avoid a barking dog than it is to pry his jaws off of your nuts after all.  Of course, the major problem with an intellectual pimp is her lack of interest in your nuts, so perhaps that a less than perfect analogy.  Moving onward.  First, some techniques for avoidance of intellectual whoredom, then some techniques for avoidance of whoredom.  Many of them will not make you look like a nice fellow, but at least you'll have your dignity.

Note -- this will not tell you how to get women to have sex with you, it's not about seduction, it merely is about outlining some of the different styles guys use to know women they are not fucking and not be intellectual whores.  None of these techniques will get you laid just by virtue of you employing them.


Techniques for the Avoidance of Whoredom:

Shotokan - Shotokan stylists prefer hard direct derailment of any ideas about them as friends.  It is a linear style, given to little wasting of time, and is often characterized as brutal.  The techniques should be self-explanatory. 

Sample Shotokan techniques:

1st Dan: "Um, you, ah, know that I find you attractive right?  So it's not likely we can really be friends."

5th Dan: "Friends?  Well we can pretend if you want.  But I find you way too attractive to ever be your friend."

9th Dan: "Did you just call me friend?  Fuck that, we're not friends...didn't you know I wanted to fuck you ever since we met?  What are you, simple?  NEXT!"


Jiu-Jitsu - The jiu-jitsu stylist uses the momentum of his potential intellectual pimp against her, always 'flowing with the go' and waiting for an opening to strike.  As long as the jiu-jitsu stylist is comfortable with his position, he sees no need to end a fight quickly.  A subtle art, the jiu-jitsu artist must make himself like water.  It is often difficult to tell if a jiu-jitsu stylist is winning or losing.

The most difficult thing to master in jiu-jitsu is the delicate balance of power in the relationship.  At any time if you are putting in an equal amount or more of: money, time, emotion or fuel then you need to bridge, reverse and work for a better position.  The jiu-jitsu stylist recognizes that conflict may be protracted, and is interested in position.  

1st Dan: "Of course we're friends, that kiss was a mistake.  We definitely shouldn't do that anymore. That Ladder Theory stuff is all just the crap ramblings of a deluded sociopath.  Since we're such good friends, can I borrow some laundry money?"

5th Dan: "No no no, of course he's an asshole.  He didn't deserve you anyway.  Listen, let's go dancing next weekend, I'll take you out.  Then we'll go back to my place and, uh, watch movies and drink wine...yes, yes that was a mistake.  I feel as though I've taken advantage of you...I'm a terrible person.  I understand if you never want to talk to me again...what, you do?  Okay, well then how about you come over and we'll uh, listen to music and drink wine."  

9th Dan: "Listen, I just want to say I feel terrible about what happened at your apartment after your parents funeral.  I mean, not that we did anything wrong, per se, but I understand it was a moment of weakness, and we shouldn't speak of it again...Oh, you think it could be the beginning of something more?  Well I guess I should tell you then, that I also feel terrible about what happened between me and your sister at the funeral...she is over the age of consent right?  I mean, not that we did anything wrong, per se, but I don't want it to be weird for you, that, you know...hello?"


Tae Kwon Do - The Tae Kwon Do stylist does not how to do things small.  He doesn't know how to bide his time well, and usually lays a huge emotional display of affection on a woman at first opportunity.  If it doesn't work out he'll fall pathetically on his ass, and everyone will wonder why he tries such complicated maneuvers.  When he succeeds however, the woman will be bragging to her friends about his acrobatic skill and finesse.  A Tae Kwon Do stylist is to women as Mike Caro is to poker -- a little crazy, and not afraid to go all in for all his chips with nothing but rags.  They're also frequently megalomaniacs.  

The important part of Tae Kwon Do is to make your attack so extravagant that a woman cannot but feel awkward around you if you fail.  Otherwise you are setting yourself up for her wanting to stay in your life.  This is not ideal.  A true Tae Kwon Do stylist will not opt for a simple side kick when a double jump front kick could be used instead.

1st Dan: Techniques include the dinner and movie and date followed by the first date kiss attempt.

5th Dan: Techniques include the weekend getaway with a woman who might not be into you, and failing to mention you've only reserved one bed.  Whether or not assumption is correct will be up to the skill of the student.

9th Dan: Techniques include driving over 500 miles on the chance of ass, flying across any Ocean, declarations of love before the 3rd date, and any date involving taking a helicopter somewhere.


Aikido - This is the way of defensive posturing.  The Aikido stylist never makes an aggressive a move of any kind.  He instead concentrates on using the woman's natural momentum against her.  He is much like the Jiu-Jitsu stylist in a sense, but instead of reversing for monetary gain, he uses the Intellectual Pimp's tactics against her until she runs away from her own momentum.

1st Dan - "Oh, you're having a problem with Rocco again?  You can do much better, as smart and talented as you are.  So listen, I was talking to Jenna and she laughed when I was doing my 'Richard Gere with a hamster in his ass' impression.  Do you think that means she likes me?"

5th Dan - "I know, I know, I told you that bitch was crazy.  She's totally trying to destroy you.  So...did you read the assignment for Tuesday?  I totally didn't have time, and I've got some important things to do tonight.  Can you possibly photocopy your answers for me, and, since you have neater handwriting, can you make me some crib notes for the test?  Did I mention that you're like a sister to me?"   

9th Dan - "Huh?  Oh, uh, yeah, that sucks.  Hey listen, I think I have a good chance of scoring with this girl...I know you're studying but can you get dressed and come out to the club with me so she can see I'm with someone.  If we hook up, you can drive yourself back...Oh but I'll need you to come pick me up tomorrow also...I'd do it for you..that time doesn't count, I couldn't come get you because I was having a very unbalanced day emotionally, and I was low on gas. By the way, I really want to impress this girl, can I borrow some money to buy her drinks?"  


Ninjutsu - This technique was unknown to until I saw it used very effectively by a roommate.  It is simple, but hard to master.  The basic idea is to just not do anything.  Whenever anyone asks you to go anywhere or do anything, just refuse, and give an excuse that insinuates that they're not very interesting. 

1st Dan - "No, I can't go to the bar with you guys.  I've got some sleep to catch up on."

5th Dan - "Sorry, I can't do lunch.  I'm trying to finish this book I've been reading.  It's not that great, I just want to get it over with though."

10th Dan - "Can't talk on the phone now, there is a good Law and Order rerun on.  Talk to you later, bye."

Some Techniques for Extricating Yourself from Whoredom


I'm going to try to keep this short, since the ways are difficult and usually come down to a few techniques, which I would have thought would all have been covered by common sense.  Silly me.

The Homer: Become so crude, moronic, and uninteresting that the intellectual pimp loses all desire to keep you around.  This will usually only work if you don't have a lot of common friends or acquaintances.  

The Jump: Make a ladder jump.  Successful or not,  you should no longer be her IW.  

The Cooper: Move out of town.  Change your email and cell phone number.  Don't tell her you are going to do so.  Just disappear out of her life as quickly as possible.    

The Shamrock: Take steroids or something to get ripped or otherwise make yourself look better so she wants to fuck you.

The Kennedy: Inherit a bunch of money so she wants to fuck you.

The Vedder: get hooked on heroin or become an incorrigible drunk, so you are more trouble than you are worth.  Note: this might backfire, and get you a mother figure.  It is equally likely to get you an unintentional ladder jump.  Could be hazardous to your health, or just really fun.  Use at your own discretion.